I'm comfortable enough now in my masculinity to admit my undying love for stupid and pointless dice games that export nothing but sports stats. And I feel comfortable enough in my friendship to admit that Scott Carmichael is the same way. We've been making stupid baseball games (alongside the occassional basketball or football game) since before I can remember. The games in the early days were primitive, and the earliest version of Batter Up Baseball that I can remember (1993?) is no exception.

Still, the game's core is essentially that of this game. It was just simpler. Instead of batter grids being 10x10, they were 6x6, because back then we probably had no idea 10-sided die even existed. Pitchers weren't rated, so Greg Maddux could easily finish with worse stats than Doug Drabek. Base on balls rates were not player specific, so it wouldn't be a big deal if Terry Pendleton led the league in free passes. There were no park factors, BA was used as the baraometer of hitter talent rather than OB. There were no Sac Flies, no double plays, and no girlfriends in sight.

That's not to say the 2006 version of the game is a mess of realism. I've played strat-o-matic before, and other games of its like, and I can't get into to it due to the sheer depth and complexity of the game. That's not a knock on the games at all rather than a thinly veiled shot at my own intelligence and patience. Our game is simply a bare-bones representation of baseball that can be picked up and played by a fucking 3 year old. For example, stolen bases do not exist since most of the time Scott and I would play these games by ourselves, eliminating the aspect of "strategy." Therefore there are also no relief pitchers, bunts, pinch-hitters, or the always-exciting infield fly rule.

So what's the point, you ask? There is none! All we did/do is play the games, let the die decide the fate of the players and, most importantly, DOCUMENT THE STATS. So in a way this is less a game than a lesson in total and utter loserness. We took as much pride in the shoeboxes we'd decorate to hold all our important papers and documents as we did the game itself. How proud our parents must have been as we'd sit in our room at 2am some summer night during our craft parties.

Truth be told I don't expect anyone to play this game, but I thought that in the minute chance there was someone looking for a way to kill an afternoon and/or a few brain cells I should make this page.

game parts

--Three (3) 10-sided die. Though you only use two...I have three in case I lose one. You can techincally get by with only one, though the game will move slower and you'll quit playing much sooner than if you play with two die.

--Notebook of lined, college-ruled paper. Cause the wide-ruled is just creepy.

--Pencils. Preferably mechanical pencils cause they're more fun and you don't have to waste precious life moments sharpening.

--Lead refills for said mechanical pencils.

--One (1) sheet of 12 batter rating grids.

The sheet of 12 batter rating grids are the 12 ratings the batters will be at each game. Each player has an individual batting rating from 1-10, 1 being worst. Each 10x10 grid has a unique probability of awarding the batter a successful AB (BB or basehit) or an out. A player rated a 1 will obviously be less likely to get on base than a player rated a 10. If a player gets out, he's out, but if he gets on base, you move on to his personal 10x10 grid to find out HOW he got on base.

Though all batters in the game default to anywhere from a 3-10 rating, there are ratings for 1-12, because as you'll read, certain things will lower or raise a batters rating for a game. The max a batter can change in a game is 3 points up or down. In the case of a 10-rated batter, he'll have to make due with a maxout of 12 since there is no 13. Similarly, a "3" batter can go no lower than "1".

For the outs on this grid, you roll a die afterwards when there is a runner on base and a force out situation. For example, if there's a runner on first and the batter's roll winds up on an "O". If that occurs, you roll one of the die and go off these results:

0-1 = Fielder's Choice (lead runner out, batter on first)
2-4 = Groud Out (all baserunners advance one, batter out at first)
5-9 = Flyout (no baserunner advancement)

There are "O" results that have either an "S" or "DP" next to them. They refer to, respectively, Sacrifice Flies and Double Plays. Sacrifice Flies only apply when they're is a runner on 3rd and less than two outs. Otherwise treat it as a normal "O". "O" with a DP after them are double plays if there's less than two outs and a force out situation. For example, land on this with runners on 1st and 3rd and one out, it's a double play. Otherwise treat it as a normal "O".

--Thirty (30) sheets of rosters, one for each team. Each team has nine (9) batters and three (3) pitchers.

Each player has his own 10x10 grid that accurately reflects the probability of the batter getting on base via single, double, triple, HR, or walk. You use their grid after you've found that they had a successful AB from the batter-rating grids. Most pitchers are rated a 1 or 2 as a batter, with a few exceptions of 3-rated batters. All AL pitchers are rated a 1.

Also, all pitchers are rated in their own way based on their ERA, their BB/9 ratio and their K/9 ratio. These ratings are marked by the "E" "K" and "B" letter next to their name. Refer to the following list of ratings and what they mean:

E++ = Great Pitcher
E+ = Good Pitcher
E = Average pitcher
E- = Below Average Pitcher
E-- = Poor Pitcher

K++ = Lotsa strikeouts
K+ = Strikeouts
K = Average Strikeouts
K- = Not Many Strikeouts
K-- = Few Strikeouts

B++ = Pinpoint Pitcher
B+ = Accurate Pitcher
B = Average pitcher
B- = Not Accurate Pitcher
B-- = Wild Pitcher

These come into play on the both the batter's individual grid and the overall grid. Here's how they work:

E determines the change (if any) in the batter's rating. If the pitcher is a "E++", all batters will see their personal batter rating drop 2 points. An "E--" pitcher raises everyone's personal batter rating 2 points. On top of that, each batter have "1" and "4" squares with either one star or two stars. In the case of a "E++" pitcher, all homeruns with a star ("4*" or "4**") become singles. All "E--" pitchers see all singles with stars ("1*" or "1**") become homeruns. A pitcher with only one + or - after his E only see the "1" or "4" with ONE star flip the outcome. Nothing changes on a pitcher with a simple regular "E" rating.

K determines strikeout frequency. On the overall batter rating grids, some "O" have stars ("O*" or "O**") and some "K" have stars ("K*" or "K**"). If a pitcher has a "K++", all Outs that have a one or two stars are now strikeouts. Vice versa, a pitcher who's "K--" sees all Ks with stars now become regular outs. If a pitcher only has one + or - after his K, then only the "O*" and "K*" apply, not the ones with two stars. A pitcher with just a "K" rating sees no change in the rating.

B determines walk frequency. This works the same as the K setup, only they apply to "B" and "1" on the batter's individual grid. So a pitcher with a "B++" rating sees all B's with stars turn into singles. Vice versa, all pitchers with "B--" see all 1's with stars turn into Walks. In the case of walks turning into singles, treat other baserunners the same as if the batter walked. So if there's a runner on second when it happened, the batter having a walk turned into a single doesn't move the runner to 3rd, he stays on 2nd. And a runner on 3rd wouldn't score. I know stuff like that is rare, but it'd suck to hurt pitchers who don't walk guys much cause usually they're good pitchers. Consider the walk being turned into a bizarre infield hit where no runners could advance or something.

If you think this will be tough to remember, know that it's all referenced at the bottom of each sheet of batter rating grids.

setting up the game

Pick two teams, any two you'd like! Or go off the schedule I made for myself. Or make your own season schedule. Either avenue will lead to you eventually pulling two teams out and getting a game underway.

As an example for the rest of this section, the Texas Rangers will face the Seattle Mariners. In my schedule, it says the Mariners are the home team, which means they are playing at Safeco Field, something we'll get to in a moment. But since they're the home team, this means they'll bat last and the Rangers will lead off the game. If you don't understand the home/away aspect of baseball you should probably just close the browser and go take a nap.

I've set up the rosters in a batting order of sorts. You can follow my guide or make your own order. So the Rangers batting order starts off with Brad Wilkerson. You see he's rated a "7" as a batter. Jamie Moyer is on the mound, and his E rating will not change the Rangers' batter ratings at all. However, since Moyer doesn't strike many batters out, he has a "K--" rating, meaning all "Ks" on the overall batter grid that have a star following it are now regular outs. He also has a "B+" rating, meaning all "B*" on each batter's individual grid on the Rangers are now singles. "B**" will not change since Moyer only has one + after his "B" rating.

Also, this game takes into account "park factors." Most stadiums will not change anything, but 10 stadiums will. Five are considered "hitters parks" and will raise all batter's ratings by one point. There are also five "pitchers parks" that do the opposite, lower all batter ratings by a point. Also, all batters have doubles and homeruns in their personal grid in red type. In a pitchers park, every red "4" will become a single. In a hitters park, every red "2" will be turned into a homerun. Seattle's Safeco Field is one of the five pitchers parks, so before the game starts all batters drop a point in rating and all red 4's will be considered singles. Again, these are referenced at the bottom of each team sheet of batter rating grids in case you forget what they mean. Or should I say when you forget what they mean.

The list of factored parks:

Hitters Parks:
Chicago White Sox
Cincinnati Reds
Toronto Blue Jays
Texas Rangers
Philadelphia Phillies

Pitchers Parks:
San Diego Padres
Kansas City Royals
Washington Nationals
Florida Marlins
Seattle Mariners

I meant to reference these parks on the team grids, but I forgot. I recommend marking which teams stadium to what so you don't have to keep checking this sheet.

The park factors work in addition to the "E" rating each pitcher has. So if a pitcher has an "E--" rating (all batters +2), but the game is in a pitchers park (all batters -1), the result is all batters are +1 for the game.

I included an excel sheet that I now know is full of small errors. Whoops. I trust you can fix them when you find them. Anyhow, all formulas and whatnot are inputed so you don't need to. Just add the stats after the game and let the program add stuff up. One of the worksheets within the file is the "schedule" I will use throughout the season. Who knows how far I'll get...but the goal is finish it by the time the MLB season is over. In it, every team plays 24 games. In the schedule, all teams *should* play 12 home games and 12 away, though I wouldn't be surprised to see I messed up there. There are also four days of interleague games, so that AL pitchers will bat and most NL "DH" batters will finally get to play. Feel free to go off that schedule...or don't. Whatever you want. I wanted to add cool stuff in the excel sheet, like when you input player stats, the team stats that add up will also show up in the team stats tab, or set up a leaders tab that would automatically show the top 10 in a bun ch of categories, but I couldn't figure out how to do that in time...or if it's even possible. It has to be, right? Either way, you'll have to do some copy/pasting.

And at the end of the regular season, I was thinking of doing a playoff the same as MLB, only the series would only be one game for the first two rounds and maybe best of 3 for the World Series. But let's see if I even get that far first.

Also, one key thing, if you get this far, is my idea to have batters ratings change during the season. It's pretty simple in theory, let's see how simple I can make it in writing:

Every six games, you review the batter and his stats. If his OBP is at least TWO rating points higher than his rating says is SHOULD be, then he moves up one rating point. Vice versa, if a batter is at least TWO rating points lower than his rating says he should be, he moves down one rating point. Here are the ranges for each rating. Remember, this is OPB, not BA:

1 = .000 - .174
2 = .175 - .259
3 = .260 - .296
4 = .297 - .315
5 = .316 - .329
6 = .330 - .343
7 = .344 - .357
8 = .358 - .369
9 = .370 - .400
10 = .401 - .445
11 = .446 - .500
12 = .500 - 1.000

So for example, Ichiro Suzuki rates a "7" when the season starts. After six games you check his stats, and if his OBP would rate him a 9 or better (.370 or higher), then he moves up to an "8" for the next six games, where you'll do another review. If, after 12 games, his OBP rates a 10 or higher (.401 or higher), then he moves up to a "9". If instead he goes on an 0-for slump and his OBP drops him to a "6" or less (.343 or lower), then he moves back down to a "7". If, after the first six games, Ichiro's OBP rates him a 6, 7 or 8 (.330-.369), then his rating will not change. And ratings will never change more than one point at every review. Simple enough? Feel free to either not do this at all, do it the same as me, or do it but at different intervals (every 4 games instead of every 6, or after EVERY game!). I'm just letting you know what I'm doing

Finally, all batters/pitchers have a + or a - next to their name on the 30 team sheets. This references their footspeed, + means above average speed, - means below average. This comes into effect not with stolen bases which as discussed earlier do not exist here but with advancing on basehits.

A batter with a + speed will score from second base on a single and score from first base on a double. Those with a - rating will only advance as much as the batter. There are also the times when a batter singles with a runner on first. The +/- rating for the baserunner will determine whether he advances to third base or holds at second.

For those with a + rating, roll the die after the single:
0-4 = Runner holds at second
5-9 = Runner advances to third

For those with a - rating, roll the die after the single:
0-6 = Runner holds at second
7-9 = Runner advances to third

I'm not sure if there's anything left. If there is, I'm sure you can figure it out. If not, contact me. And feel free to fill me in on the happenings!

So you've read all the rules and decided to give this game a shot, huh? What the fuck is wrong with you?!

You still here? Okay then you're serious, god help you. Here's what you'll need, in addition to the few things I mentioned at the top of the rules section (die, pencils, etc): The zip file I'm linking to below contains the 30 team pages(html), the 1 batter rating sheet (html), and the spreadsheet file that is riddled with tiny errors and without any bells and whistles (MS Excel). The excel file also contains the schedule I use for the games so you can be just like me.

I recommend printing out the html files and the schedule portion of the excel file so you don't have to play at your computer. There are also a host of other things I recommend if you're really thinking of playing this game, but we'll leave that for another time another place.

--download the zip file--

You can also go here and view all the html files in case you wanna play at work but don't have all your sheets with you! I do it at least twice a week!